Rice and Potatoes

26 Jun

The difference between gallstones and kidney stones is that gallstones hurt more, many times worse than kidney stones, but the gallbladder is largely superfluous to human anatomy, so if I eat correctly, I can largely avoid using it or experiencing any pain. Kidneys, well… you use them all the time, so having kidney stones for a month was vastly less fun.

And how does one avoid using one’s gallbladder, you may wonder? Avoid fat. Avoid all fat. Like avoid even olive oil.

So for example, when you have fish and chips, bake it, and eat very little of the fish. Simple enough. Fish contains fat, not much, but enough to provide a reminder of that choking pain that put one in the hospital emergency room which lead to the discovery that one needed to have one’s gallbladder removed.

One thing that I’ve gotten really good at is making ebi maki. At this point I make them fancy, shredded carrot, a pickle cut into strips, a scallion maybe, a strip of zucchini maybe… Wrap it all up in rice and nori, and you’ve got a really nice lunch. I’ve learned that sushi rice is a scam. You can use any old rice. I had a huge tub of brown rice when I got home from the hospital with my ultrasound report showing the gallstones. The rice is mostly gone now.

But what to do with the rice left over after you’ve made the maki? Add some more water to the pot, cook it more, until the rice is really mushy, add cinnamon and brown sugar, let it cool, throw it in the blender, blend it, put it in a pitcher, chill it, and the next day you have a delicious pitcher of horchata.

And you thought having gallstones for a month while you wait for surgery to remove the damn things meant that you had to eat boring food all month, like plain rice, or baked potatoes without butter. Nonsense! Baked chips with salsa, shrimp rolls, and horchata, and not a single gram of the fat that left you on the floor shaking, choking, screaming, and retching from the horrible pain in your upper abdomen.

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