Round Two

26 Jul

Believe it or not, two weeks to the day, I am going back in the hospital.

What happened was that I went to see big black cute doctor 8 days after my surgery to remove my gallbladder, and other than a little bleeding, the healing went perfectly.

The bleeding was scary though. I called the surgeon up and asked about it in a panic, and she was totally unimpressed. “So hold it closed. I’ll be honest with you. The glue is so you have a thin scar. You would have healed if I put a band-aid on you. Lie down, hold it closed for a few minutes. Take it easy for the rest of the day.”

So when I finally went back into the office to see my surgeon, she admired her handiwork, and then said. “It looks like you have an indirect hernia on your right side. Have you had this bulge long.” Yes, I had had it for a bit. I can’t tell you exactly when I first noticed it or when it first caused me any discomfort, but I just thought I was getting old. And I was getting old. Just this year I’ve been in the hospital for kidney stones and gall stones. So it turns out that the hernia that I had had repaired so long ago had reopened in a slightly different place.

Because it’s the end of July, we were able to get a surgical theater right away, within a week. What had happened with the gall stone surgery was that I had the horrifying misfortune of getting gall stone attacks in June, and as any medical professional in the United States of America will tell you, almost all Americans have horrible jobs that only give them like 5 or 10 sick days or something before they start docking your pay. So the whole country tries to get their necessary life saving surgeries in June, so they can combine their vacation with their sick days with Independence Day holidays, so they can recover from being cut open without losing their jobs or being rushed back to work.

So tomorrow I go in for round two with big black cute doctor. And she will surely beat the snot out of me again. Hopefully this procedure will not involve Nazi boots, since it undoubtedly involves my groin.

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